


What have I done?!

by MaggYme



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Gen, mention of attempt rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-02 06:10:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17259002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaggYme/pseuds/MaggYme
Summary: When Sergeant Bucky Barnes waked up one morning he is in for a surprise. A young woman is laying in his bed, half naked and covered in bruises. What happened? Did the Wintersoldier came back, even when everybody told him that is impossible? Or did he do that?





	1. Waking up

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Mentions of Injuries, angst

He felt relaxed and fully recovered, when he woke up. The last couple of weeks had been stressful and he hadn´t been able to sleep though most of the nights. But this time it had been different. Or so it seemed.

Sitting up the man moved his metal fingers through his messy hair, pulling it back into a bun. Throwing his feet over the edge of the bed, he took in a deep breath and stood up. He had to get ready for the day.

Walking towards his joined bathroom Bucky stretched his back and neck, only to stop dead in his tracks. He had noticed something out of the corner of his eye and he turned around. There, in his bed, laid something – or rather someone- he hadn´t noticed before.

“FRIDAY. Get Steve and Dr Banner here. Now-please.” His voice stuck in his throat, when his brain had registered WHAT he saw.

“They will be here any moment.” The AI informed, the paled supersoldier.

Please. Let her be breathing. Let her be alive. What have I done. I-

Fear and guilt filled his heart. He must have turned again and caused that, what other explanation could there be?

The body, he was staring at, belonged to a young woman; black and purple blotches covered the skin of her back and sides. Bruises around her neck showed someone had choked her, with the intent to hurt or kill.

“Buck, FRIDAY said you wanted to see me.”, his best friend asked, “What´s wrong?”

But the man in question was only able to shake his head and keep staring at her, tears threatened to fall down his face.

“Buck what-“ Cap started, worry evident in his voice, but stopped when his eyes followed those of his friend. “What happened? Who is that?”

“I-I don´t know. When I woke up and walked towards the bathroom, I saw her laying there.”

Steve wanted nothing more than to calm his fried down, to comfort him; but he knew, the female might need his help even more. If she was still alive that is.

“Did you check on her?”

“No- I couldn’t. What if I- What if she´s- Please don´t let me have killed her.“

His best friends heart clenched, when he heard the broken voice of the ex-assassin. “Calm down,” he said and slowly made his way to the side of the bed where the woman was laying, dreading what he might encounter.

A sight of relieve left the chest of Steve, when he saw her ribcage moving; she was breathing and therefor alive.

“Tell me, is she- did I –“ He wasn´t even able to end the sentences, because of the guilt that was already eating him up from the inside.

“She is breathing. We will need to wait for Bruce to know anything else. Bad timing with all the medics gone at the moment. Do you really not know what happened?”

“Like I said. I woke up and there she was.” He was beginning to get frustrated, he hated to not be able to remember, to often had Hydra deleted his memories.

“Mhm,” His friend thought. “FRIDAY? Do you have any records on what happened?”  
“I am sorry Mr Rogers. There are no records regarding the unknown woman or Mr Barnes whereabouts.”

“How is that possible?”

“I do not know. I am already running scans to determine if someone hacked me.”

Both man frowned in confusion and frustration, this whole situation was just strange

“I am sorry. I had to finish the experiment first. What can I help you with?” Bruce Banner apologised upon entering the supersoldiers room. Instead of answering him, Steve motioned for the doctor to join him.

“What happened? Who is that?” He immediately asked, sending a frown towards the former Winter Soldier.

“We would want to know that as well.” Bucky grumbled, “The only thing we know, is that she is breathing. And with her body covered in bruised and the whole medic-team gone, you are the only one that could help her right now.”

All three man now stood next to the bed, and Dr Banner just wanted to carefully check her ribcage for any broken or cracked ribs, when the young woman jerked awake and away from them, resulting in her falling down the other side of the bed.

Trying to get as much distance between her and them, she pressed her injured back against the wall. Her eyes were widen in fear and filled with confusion. None of them tried to come closer: one, because they didn´t want to scare her even more; two, they had been surprised by her sudden movement ( they had feared her dead just minutes before), but mostly because of three. Her chest, stomach and upper legs were bruised in a way that made clear someone had tried to take her against her will, and probably had succeeded.

Seeing this Bucky fell to his knees, his face buried into his large hands and he couldn´t stop the tears from falling (he didn´t even care. There was only one thing on his mind, only one thought:

_What have I done?_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mentions of Injuries, angst, some cursing  
> The First Part is Reader´s POV

Pain, that was the first thing she was able to feel emerging from the black vault she was in. It pulsed through her veins and with every breath she took tiers threatened to fall.

_What happened? Why is everything hurting? Did I get rolled over by a truck? But why is my throat hurting this much then? FUCK!_

Slowly her brain began to register other things than the pain. First it was the soft blankets that covered her (she now realized) naked skin. The second thing, was the presence and voices of three men. And they were close-too close. Gathering her strength, she opened her eyes and jerked away at once. Not aware of her surroundings, she fell of the bed. Panic controlled her every move and she pressed her back against the wall.

The young woman couldn’t identify or see anything, because she wasn’t wearing her glasses, resulting in the men just being unidentifiable blurry shadows.

“Miss?” She heard a deep voice call her, but her panic wasn’t allowing her to hear the worry in his voice.

Unable to see who had addresser her, she let her eyes roam from one man to the other.

“Miss, calm down. How are you feeling? Are you hurt?” Another voice asked, and she wanted to answer them, but when she opened her mouth, nothing was coming out.

 _Why can´t I speak? Who are you? Everything hurts! What the fuck happened?_  
Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw one of the taller shadows move closer to her and she quickly stumbled away.

The man must have seen the panic and fear on her face, because he immediately faltered in his steps.

“Miss, we are not here to hurt you. Dr Banner can take care of your bruises and check for other injuries, but you need to let us help you.” His voice was warm but her hurt body told her to be careful.

She then remembered the third man, and looked around to find him, fearing he might sneak up to her. It turned to be quite hard because of her blurred vision and the dark room. Finally, her eyes found him and her brain went into hyperdrive, when she saw him slumped to the ground.

_Did I cause that? Did I accidentally hurt him? Do they want revenge?_

“Buck? Why don´t you wait in the common area and we take care of her.” It was the first voice that said that and she noticed the man in question stand up and leave the room. He was tall and of a broad built. There was no mistake she was doomed should he go after her, and something was glittering in the dim light where his left arm should be, but she couldn’t pin point why.

_Stupid glasses, why are they always lost when I need them._

Once she had concentrated on the man, the other taller one had stepped closer.

_How do they want to take care of me?_

“He won´t hurt you. But now you need to let Dr Banner to look after you.”

Was he the reason why I am hurt? But why do the others help me than?  
“Why don´t we start with covering you up.” The smaller shadow suggested, and she noticed he had something in his hands. ”Here, I will throw you this pullover towards you.”

Glad to be able to cover up (and maybe get a bit warmer) she nodded, slowly and a bit uncertain. Not a second later, the clothing hit her feet.

Trying to locate the zipper (without leaving the men out of her sight) she lifted it up to her face. Opening it, she got dressed. The sheer feeling of the warm clothing and the smell that lingered in it, calmed her down and made her feel save. She had no idea why though.

“Do you normally need glasses or contact lenses?” The man she assumed was Dr Banner asked her, and he sounded like he just realized something. “You won´t be able to speak I fear. Just motion your answer.”

Realizing that would be the best, she nodded.

“Short- or long- sided?” one finger up for the first option.

“How bad?” Six fingers up. _Yeah I now, I am kind of blind without my glasses._

“FRIDAY, is there a way to get her a pair of fitting glasses?”

“They are getting printed in your laboratory, Dr Banner. It will be sufficing until I have the perfect measurements for an ideal one.” A computer-generated voice answered.

The tall man left shortly after to get the glasses, the young woman assumed.

“Do you remember anything that happened to you?” Her answer was the shake of her head.

“I don´t want to scare you. But you look like someone beat you up and choke you with a lot of force. That is why you can´t speak. And then there is the thing with the bruises on your thighs-“ The last part was only a whisper, and she heard how uncomfortable he felt.

_Bruises on my thighs? Why are there- No! It can´t be. If I got raped, wouldn´t there be pain in my abdomen? At least that what they always say on tv._

No matter how hard the young woman tried to remember, there was nothing but a big black vault of nothing.

“I got the glasses.” The other man said, slowly walking towards the woman not wanting to scare her away. Reaching for them, she put them on and smiled when she was finally able to see probably again.

She was in a big room, with high ceilings and simple interior. Able to see the men in front of her, the young woman calmed down even more: Dr Banner had peppered hair and was in his late forties early fifties. The other one was tall, with blond hair and trained body. Both had sincere smiles on their faces and something about them, made her trust.

But what the hell had happened to her?

* * *

 

When Steve had told him to leave his room, he bolted for it. He had thought he would be able to stand through it (it would have been the last thing he could have done ) after causing her pain. But when her eyes had found his, fear burning in them, he couldn´t stand it any more.

He wanted to punch himself with all his strength at that moment. Unable to knock himself out, he walked towards the training area and began to throw punch after punch at one of the boxing sacks.

His fleshy knuckles had broken open almost an hour ago, but jet he kept hitting. The pain he felt must be nothing compared to what the young woman must feel at that moment, because of him.

Bucky didn´t even stop, when his best friend joined him another hour later.

“Buck, calm down. Stop hurting yourself.”

“Don´t tell me to calm down, Steve.”

“Banner currently lets FRIDAY check on her in the medic bay. But he is sure she only suffered bruising.”

“Have you seen her throat? I could have killed her with this stupid arm! The fear in her eyes, when she looked at me.” The former Winter Soldier mumbled, his heart clenched and tears began to fall down his face.

“That wasn´t you, Buck. Whoever did that, wasn´t you!” Steve shouted at his friend, tired that he didn´t want to listen.

“Who else Steve? She was in my bed! She- she is covered in bruises and it is all my fault!”

“Why don´t we wait until she remembers what happened? Perhaps there is a good explanation on why she was there.”

“She can´t even remember? What have I done to traumatize her so much she can´t remember?”

“Buck-“

“Just- Just leave me alone Steve, please.” The man sobbed and disappeared into the joined showers. Where no one would be able to see him cry.


	3. What happened:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mentions of Injuries, angst, some cursing, Flashback to what happened  
> This Chapter is written in Reader´s POV and a neutral POV

It had been almost two months since the morning the young woman woke up in Bucky Barned bed. But still, there were no memories back and neither was she able to speak. And she maybe will never be able to do so again, should the damage to her vocal cords be worse than first thought. It had become easier to communicate since Wanda had returned from their mission, now she could answer with her thoughts and didn’t need to use to write everything down.

“(Y/N) how are you feeling today?” Dr Banner greeted her upon entering the common kitchen and she answered him with a thumb up and a smile.

After she had trusted them, and the rest of the team had returned, they had figured it would be best for her to stay at their place. They could be monitoring her healing progress and she would be safe, should her attacker return. Nobody was thinking it had been Bucky, except the man himself.

“Remember anything?” He asked her, getting a cup of coffee to take back into his lab.

With a sad frown on her face, she shook her head and gave a thumb down.

“Don´t worry, I am sure it will return sooner or later. Until then you are very welcome here. And I can not only speak for myself but your cakes and cupcakes are delicious! Tony is making progress with the recordings, so there is that.” Dr Banner assured her, before departing again.

“Morning (y/n), how is your throat?” Wanda greeted her with a huge smile on her face.

_Good, it doesn´t hurt that much anymore and the bruises are faded quite a bit._

“Good to hear. Why don´t you join us at the beach today? The whole team is going.”

_Sounds good, but I don’t have anything to wear._

Just when Wanda wanted to say something, a certain someone stepped into the kitchen, only to turn around immediately.

_He hates me._

“No Honey, he isn´t. Bucky- is giving himself the fault for what happened to you.”

_Why? I can´t remember anything but I am sure he didn´t hurt me. I mean, I would be afraid of him otherwise right? My subconsciousness would tell me to stay away from him otherwise, right?_

“Probably. His presence would at least trigger something.”

_I feel safe, but how is that possible if I don´t interact with him?_

“Maybe something he did before you woke up? I am sorry that I can´t help, but your memory is a black nothing at the moment.” Wanda apologised, she really wanted to help her new friend.

_No worries, it is nice to be able to talk to someone without the need to write everything down! But I still have nothing to wear for the beach._

“Natasha, Pepper and I wanted to go shopping on Starks costs, tag along.” She suggested.

_I don´t know, it is his money after all._

“Maybe, but he wouldn’t miss it. He actually told us to spend something if we need, as long as it is no bullshit. And I know he feels guilty that the records are gone and he doesn´t know why, so he would buy you a house to make it up.”

Are you kidding?

“No. That is Stark for you.”

_Well then. When are we leaving?_

* * *

Five hours later, the women laid in the sun at the beach, waiting for her male comrades. They all were dressed in bathing suits and bikinis.

(y/n) had found a beautiful dark blue bikini and wore it with a pair of shorts (the bruises on her thighs weren’t as faded as the others), a light makeup covered the remaining bruises on her throat.

_Wanda, I need to pee. Do you know where the restrooms are?_

“They are over there in that little blue and pink building. Do you want me to come with you?” She smiled and motioned towards a building around two minutes march away.

_Thank you. But I don´t think I want to speak with the toilet, so thanks for the offer but nah. Will be back in a few._

Walking towards the building, her friend had shown her, she enjoyed the warm beams of sunlight on her skin, not noticing the dark gazes that followed her.

Finished with her business, the young woman made her way back to the other women (and the males, should they have appeared by then), but when her eyes felt onto a group of five males standing nearby, she stopped dead in her tracks. Two of them had broken arms, two other broken noses and the last one seemed to limp.

Panic started to rise inside of her and her eyes searched for a known face. But she was alone and Wanda was too far away to be able to hear her thoughts.

_SHIT!_

The group stepped closer, and her heart sunk, why was she so afraid of them?

“Isn´t that our luck boys? See who we have here. The bitch that got away two months ago!”

“Why don´t we end what we started? No one ever checks the restrooms.”

“I call dips on that sweet ass of hers!”

_What the fuck! HELP!_

With every step the men got closer, pictures flashed up in her minds:

A dark alleyway. The men. A hand keeping her from leaving. A slap and a shout for help on her side. A punch and a closing hand around her throat from the one of the men. Hands grabbing and punching her, others pulling down her pants and ripping her shirt apart.

The flashbacks made it impossible for her to move, and a second later she was surrounded.

“What? No cry for help? I told you the last time to shut up. A shame we won´t be able to hear your screams now. You did a good job with her throat. Tell me, where is that metal arm bastard that saved you the last time? I bet he fucked you afterwards and you enjoyed it you whore.” The leader of the group whispered into her ear. A shudder went down her spine and she closed her eyes, hoping they would just go away.

But instead, she felt a hand close around her throat and cut off her air, tears began to fall down her face.

When she thought she was gone for good, she heard the sound of something braking and shouts of pain.

Using all the strength left, she opened her eyes, she saw three of the men laying on the floor unconscious , one was gripping a the metal arm that was lifting him up into the air.

Bucky. That is Bucky´s arm.- wait no, that isn´t Bucky, His eyes are all wrong!

Throwing the now fainted man next to his friends on the floor, the supersoldier casts his attention to the man that had (y/n) by her throat.

“I told you to leave her alone.” Bucky voice was as cold as ice.

“She´s mine. I saw her first.”

“Let her go.”

“Or what? You won´t kill me. You didn´t last time, you won´t this time.”

“Last time I listened to my humane side, this time it is on my side. The Soldiers side.” The man growled with a smirk, that could kill.

What is going on with him? Does he has two personalities?

When the attacker didn´t react, the soldier grabbed his arm with his metal hand and snapped it into little pieces. Resulting in (y/n) falling to the floor and the attacker to scream in pain.

Without another word the soldier punched him in the face, knocking him out and breaking his jaw at the same time.

* * *

 

Turning towards (y/n), memories returned to Bucky.

It had been him, that had saved her and brought her back to the only save place he knew: the compound and room where his alter ego stayed and he was able to rest.

He had used a skill he had learned during his time with Hydra to delete any trace of him (the Winter soldier) taking over, fearing they would try to delete him should they find out about him. He wouldn´t be able to protect Bucky anymore then, the very and only reason for his existence.

He was born out of pain, to protect from it. He had taken over to protect Bucky from the pain and guilt of killing innocent and only when he met Steve Rogers, did himself to step back. He had know Bucky would be safe with his old friend.

Sometimes he was able to appear again, and then he would wander around enjoying the piece and quiet of the night. Just like he had done the night he had saved (y/n). He had heard her scream for help and the laughter of the men, he knew pain and when he saw her there, he couldn´t but help her. He was born to protect after all.

Slowly kneeing down in front of her, he allowed Bucky to see his memories and take the control again.

* * *

 

A few hours later:

“So, the winter Soldier was protecting Buck the whole time and then showed up from time to time to take nightly walks?” Steve repeated what he had just learned.

“That’s what I can remember. Punk. Strange is it not?“

“Who would have thought the Winter Soldier was a good one, in his crazy twisted ways?”

“Enough of that. (y/n) what do you think about living here? You can bake and it seems the Soldier likes you, so if he gets out of control, we don´t need to find you first.”

“Tony! You are a friend, not a shield. So what do you think? God knows we need more girls to fight this testosterone.” Natasha smirked.

Sure why not! Maybe I can speak again soon!


End file.
